A Woman's Guide To Transforming Self-Doubt into Self-Love

 In this episode, we delve into the delicate balance women must strike between self-love, relationships, and setting boundaries. Starting with the humorous yet all-too-real questions found on platforms like Quora and Reddit, we explore the lingering stereotypes and expectations society places on women. From the belief that past generations of women genuinely loved household chores without recognition, to the slow-paced shift towards women's independence, we uncover the cultural roots of these issues.

We discuss how women, from a young age, are often groomed to prioritize others' happiness over their own, leading to a lack of self-love and the inability to set personal boundaries. The societal conditioning of women to find their worth in serving others is dissected, highlighting how society creates sacrifice as a form of love and need for external validation in women whether they work at home or outside.

 We challenge the notion that women must "have it all" and emphasize that true balance comes from prioritizing what matters most in the moment. We also encourage women to voice their needs and wants and to start respecting their own contribution to the households and demand recognition without hesitation.

We also shed light on the invisible labor women perform, often without recognition or support, and the societal pressures for perfection in every role they play. By encouraging women to rewire their thinking, prioritize their own well-being, and demand respect and appreciation, we hope to inspire a new generation of women to take charge of their lives and celebrate themselves.

Because life is about the conversations we have at the crossroads—the moments that shape us, connect us, and remind us of our shared humanity.

Our episodes will come out every first Wednesday of the month, we hope you will join us and our tribe.
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Chapters

• 1:17 Introduction To Podcast
• 1:17 Episode Begins: Popular Questions On Quora & Reddit on Modern Women
• 3:28 How Lack Of Self Love Begins In Women?
• 7:09 Reality Is A Woman Is Complete In Herself
• 9:42 Let's Learn How To Accept A Compliment!
• 10:53 Honoring Domestic Goddesses
• 14:12 The Myth: Having It All
• 19:07 The Burden Of Perfection & Normalizing Hardships Women Face
• 23:33 A Woman Is Constantly Made To Feel Guilty
• 24:48 Self Love: The Master Key Every Women Needs
• 26:50 It Is Time Women Respect Their Own Unpaid Labor Inside The House
• 29:53 Honoring & Prioritizing Their Own Needs & Demands
• 32:32 The New Age Woman
• 35:12 Are You On The Self Love Journey too?
• 37:09 Outro as the episode ends

Transcript

Today we’re diving deep into the intricate balancing act especially for a woman  between self-love, relationships, and boundaries. We are your hosts with the most, Geeti & Komal. 

Geeti are you familiar with Quora & Reddit? 

Guess what kind of questions are often asked on these platforms: “Why do girls today don’t like to do household chores like cooking & cleaning? Or Why do Indian girls don’t like to live in joint families with in-laws?  

It is so funny to me that society still has not learned their lesson, men are still wondering about this and most importantly believing that their mothers and grand mothers actually loved cooking and cleaning without ever getting acknowledged or appreciated for it. Thankfully, seeing their own life and its contributions being taken for granted, they have encouraged the next generation to study and become independent. Thing are changing but at a very slow pace.

We in our culture have no concept of boundaries or even respect at all when it comes to women. I have seen women as wives, mothers and daughter in laws often become pushovers or even glorified door mats and most of them didn’t even know it? In making everyone around them happy, they don’t realize when their own dreams and voices fade away. The responsibility of upholding family honor and maintaining peace in relationships disproportionately falls on women, yet they often lack equal rights. I often wonder why is all the sacrifice and understanding expected from women? 

Women are groomed from a young age to not love themselves. Yeah, they have no concept of self love.

Most women do not value themselves enough to stand up for ourselves. To accept themselves completely. Not enough to appreciate ourselves or prioritize our well being and happiness.

But Geeti, we have already discussed in our second episode, how society with its narrow definition of beauty makes us feel unattractive and unlikeable. And you can not love something you already hate or dislike.

In our 3rd episode we also talked about how as young girls we are treated differently for being females, 2nd class citizen in our own homes and societies. We are groomed to put others first. Society teaches women to take care of others and find their happiness in the happiness of husband, family and children. They are expected to make others happy and this slowly turns them into people pleasers which we extensively explored in our previous episode.

There is nothing wrong in making an effort to keep your loved ones happy as long as you are not the only one making the effort. But unfortunately, the burden falls mostly on women.

So as a young girl, we are not taught to love ourselves and as an adult when we try to, we are tagged as selfish. Komal so many times though when we practice self love, it is tagged as being selfish. 

Yes because when we value ourselves, we’re less likely to settle for poor treatment from others. When everyone is benefitting from your need for validation and finding happiness by putting others first, why on earth would they ever change that?

Everything around a girl right from childhood to a grown woman is stacked in a way that makes her  feel inadequate although she is complete in every possible way. A woman can be intelligent enough to become a doctor, engineer, an astronaut to excelling in running a business. She is nurturing enough to create a life inside her, give birth to it and keep it alive and healthy all by herself. Remember what she says in Laapata Ladies? She raises the future generation by being their caregiver, first teacher, best friend and so much more. (SEO)

She is strong enough to run a marathon and smart enough to juggle multiple things at once. And yet, she is full of self doubt about everything she is and she does! Where is all that self doubt coming from? It has been systematically placed in her surroundings, her upbringing and planted in her thoughts.

Geeti there is definitely a carefully thought out plan to create these doubts and in so many ways…We are constantly pitted against each other and compared and criticized for looks, bodies, abilities ...pick up any magazine u will see…who wore it best…who is hotter…this or that… Husband comparing a new wife with his mother’s domestic abilities or cooking skills. As a result, this manifests often in low confidence, shame and self criticism.  women are their own harshest critics. Infact most women struggle to even accept a genuine compliment. 

Degrading domestic labor as easy and insignificant: Let’s shine a light on the often unsung heroes—the stay-at-home wives and mothers. Their tireless efforts keep households running smoothly, allowing men to focus on their careers and shaping the future generation. Yet, society often overlooks their immense contributions. The laundry folded, the meals prepared, the scraped knees kissed—they all matter. These women are architects of stability, emotional nurturers, and educators. But the lack of recognition and appreciation can chip away at their self-worth. Pressure to make insta worthy lunches and DIY every event, look their best, perfectly behaved children…its only the women who are subjected to these standards but not appreciated for all they do.

And ofcourse the society knows how to get to a working women’s psyche too because why should they be happy and confident? The notion of “having it all” has been created especially for women. That magical promise that we can seamlessly excel in every domain of life—career, family, relationships, personal growth, and self-care. “Having it all” suggests that you can be a supermom, a top executive, a loving partner, and a fitness guru—all without breaking a sweat. 

Ever heard it for a man? Having it all….be the super dad who coaches kids soccer team, makes amazing breakfasts for family and plans elaborate dates for his wife? If he does he is treated like gold but defbitely it is not an expectation.

The Reality is that life isn’t a perfectly balanced equation. When you focus on one area, another might suffer. And that’s should be okay. If you’re a mom prioritizing spending quality time with your children, attending school events, and creating lasting memories your professional growth might slow down. Climbing the corporate ladder may have to wait.

There are trade-off for each decision. You can’t be in two places at once. While you’re at the soccer game, someone else might be getting that promotion. And that’s okay too. Picture yourself as a supportive wife. Your spouse lands a dream job in another city. You pack your bags, leave your familiar surroundings, and start anew. But what about your career? Moving cities often means a career gap.

You might temporarily step back from your professional trajectory. Sacrifices are real, and they impact your sense of achievement. Society whispers, “You can do it all!” But when you can’t, you feel like a failure. The guilt creeps in. You wonder why you’re not acing every role simultaneously. 

Society/Instagram moms doing it all, smiling all day. We doubt ourself even when we are so productive and good at what we do.

You question your competence, value, and purpose. The truth is Having it all isn’t about doing everything at once. It’s about choosing what matters most to you right now. Maybe your career takes center stage today, and family time shines tomorrow. Maybe your child’s health is more important than your professional growth this year. Give yourself permission to pivot: Reprioritize, recalibrate as much as soon as your life demands. You’re not failing; you’re adapting.

There are other challenges too Geeti. I am tired of everyone expecting perfection from me in every area. Women are expected to display perfection in cooking, managing the house, tidiness, and are held responsible for a child’s bad behavior to a untidy house. Men are released from these responsibilities. As a result, they also have a hard time accepting help and end up taking it all on. 

We carry such a hefty load. I had a ER nurse as a friend who said she works such long hours and in a stressful setting but after she has her child, she was ready to go back to work because being a mom was harder than being an ER nurse. Women constantly juggle roles as wives, mothers, and domestic goddesses (and let’s ditch those outdated labels like “housewives” or “house managers”).Their to-do lists stretch into infinity. In this never ending chaos of invisible tasks, what gets sacrificed? Their own well-being. The career promotion, the zoomba class, the coffee chats, the girl-only weekend trips—they slip away. Even that precious shower time, or a second look in the mirror becomes a luxury.  She’s juggling school pick-ups, meal preps, her own work, kids’ schedules, and grocery shopping. Sometimes, just to meet a friend for coffee means asking for husband's permission or at the least cooperation. Oh and guilt is a real thing. Even if they end up going on a trip with their friends, they feel guilty for leaving their family and husband in charge for one weekend in the year.

 But even if we don't feel guilty, finding time for our personal pursuits…is like chasing a fleeting rainbow. Unless We practice self-love, self-care, and set boundaries, our own well-being slips through the cracks.We have all been there. So, ladies, remember: Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s survival

The one thing that actually can help us feel sure of our worth and who we are is loving ourselves. This means fully accepting ourselves—Yes, our uniqueness, imperfections, strengths, and weaknesses. It’s recognizing that we are worthy just as we are. Self-love doesn’t mean we stop growing or learning; it means we don’t let society, unreasonable standards, or others define our worth.

It is as simple as Prioritizing your emotional well being, investing in physical health and pursuing things that bring you happiness in abundance: Because you believe that you are important and you matter just as much as others in your life.

In our mom’s generation and even ours, I know so many women who will go through hours of labor to make their    favorite food items for their husband or kids, but would not put in the effort to make something they love for themselves. Kids don’t know their mom’s favorite food or even their birthdays many time growing up because the adults in the family…the dad, the grandma never ask or care. Most women can not find 40 minutes in a day to work out where men can spend an entire Saturday playing cricket, golf or watching news because they prioritize what makes them happy. It is something we can learn from them.

Especially for women who work tirelessly at homes but do not bring a paycheck, it is about knowing what you do is invaluable and finding yourself worthy of nice things, mini vacations and love yourself.

So please rewire your brain, unlearn all the crap you have seen growing up and start to prioritizing your emotional well being,find time for that pottery class once a week if it brings you happiness and believe that you deserve as much happiness as your mother in law, kids or husband does.  You are equally important and you matter just as much as others in your life.

Let your family know your fav food and activities, order things of your choice every once in a while. Teach them to celebrate your special moments just the way you like it…whether it is with your favorite flowers or a home baked cake or shopping. 

lGeeti, we have to love ourself enough to demand loved, respect and appreciation by others.

But what happens when you don’t love yourself? You become that woman who silences her intuition, muffles her inner voice, and allows disrespect to seep into her relationships. Why? Because somewhere along the way, she lost sight of her own value. Because Society taught her that the definition of love for a woman is selflessness.

And we all know what happens next. 

Throughout life, women who often sacrifice their own happiness and interests endure disrespect silently, internalize their anger. Over time, bitterness creeps in—they feel misunderstood, neglected, and unhappy. As kids grow up and family life calms down, they realize life passed them by. They never took time for hobbies or friends, and ofcourse their spouses were probably husbands and fathers but never true companions so they are now lonely and depressed. If they live with adult children, letting go becomes a battle. They interfere, seeking something to focus on. Their sacrifices go unnoticed, leading to feelings of rejection. Sadly, this cycle continues—they’re harsh to their daughters-in-law and daughters.

These women never realized that self-love is the missing piece. They spend their lives waiting for understanding, appreciation, and love, only to receive disappointment. These women are being watched by their daughters from when they are young. These girls know that unpaid household labor is not worth pursuing. Bringing a paycheck matters. Having a voice matters. Demanding your worth and respect the household matters. They do not want to repeat the mistakes of their selfless moms who worked tirelessly behind the scenes. 

These young girls want to to have a career, be financially independent, not get sucked into the thankless world of domestic labor, and make money so they can have a say in their life, households and family. So to answer Quorans &Redditters asking the questions, that's why the new age woman does not want to cook and clean all day.Or live with people who don’t appreciate and respect her and do not encourage her self loving and self caring lifestyle.

A new breed of women is taking charge. The ones who are making time for self love and care, who are applauding their victories, taking chances and building a life that includes them and celebrates them.

But this change can actually happen at any age, even in 30s or 40s. The only requirement is mindfulness. 

 Be aware of your thoughts, pay attention to how to speak to yourself. Notice negative self talk and shift it to kindness and love for yourself. And please please establish boundaries because they are self-love in action—they protect our well-being and honor your worth. 
As we close out this episode, Geeti let's remember to always celebrate the profound importance of self-love for women at every stage of life. If you guys are already on this self love journey like we are, we applaud you. If you are struggling to find your way, we encourage you.

Let’s teach ourself and our daughters to embrace our uniqueness: Remember, there’s only one you on this entire planet. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own journey. 

The energy shift from external validation to self-acceptance will set you free.

Let’s be aware that we are important enough. Feel comfortable rejecting Society’s unreasonable Expectations. Release the burden of trying to please everyone. We can’t make everyone happy, and that’s okay. It is key that we prioritize our well-being over external validation and anyone who dims our shine does not deserve our brightness. When we value ourself, our contributions and our journey, others will learn to do it too. It’s time to be the best version of ourself, unapologetically.

So if you are at the self love vs Validation crossroads, did this episode resonate with you, share your own journey of loving yourself with us. How did it help you? We would love to continue the conversation with you, until then this is Geeti & Komal Signing off.