Crossroads & Conversations

Drawing the Line: Let's Master The Art Of Establishing Boundaries in 2025

• Crossroads And Conversations • Season 1 • Episode 5

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 In this insightful episode, we explore the critical role of boundaries in our lives. We share personal stories of learning about boundaries later in life and the emotional toll of accepting disrespectful behavior. We discuss the importance of setting and maintaining boundaries, especially for women, and the societal and family dynamics that contribute to the lack of boundaries.

Key Points Covered:

  • Financial Independence and Respect: The misconception that financial independence ensures respect.
  • Societal and Family Expectations: How these shape our understanding of boundaries.
  • Women's Challenges: Unique difficulties women face in asserting boundaries.
  • Practical Tips: Establishing boundaries in family, relationships, and parenting.
  • Men's Boundaries: Differences in how men and women approach boundaries.
  • Teaching Kids Boundaries: Ensuring children understand and respect limits.
  • Respecting Children's Boundaries: Allowing them to express comfort levels.
  • Navigating Empty Nest Syndrome: Redefining identity in later life.
  • Mutual Respect: Maintaining boundaries within relationships.
  • Professional and Social Settings: Asserting personal boundaries.
  • Agreeing to Disagree: Respecting different opinions without coercion.
  • Personal Boundaries: Varying boundaries for different relationships.
  • Consequences of Overstepped Boundaries: Importance of enforcement.

We emphasize the importance of self-care and mental health, teaching children about boundaries, and respecting their comfort levels. We also discuss navigating empty nest syndrome, the importance of mutual respect, and setting boundaries in professional and social settings.

Finally, we offer practical tips for establishing and maintaining boundaries in various scenarios, from personal relationships to professional settings. Join us for this enlightening conversation as we navigate the journey from being "yes girls" to confidently prioritizing ourselves and saying "no" when needed. 🌟

Because life is about the conversations we have at the crossroads—the moments that shape us, connect us, and remind us of our shared humanity.

Our episodes will come out every first Wednesday of the month, we hope you will join us and our tribe.
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  • Youtube: @crossroadsNconversations

Geeti what is the biggest regret you have in life? if you ask me the biggest one I think it would be that I learned a few important lessons of how to live your life very very late.

Which ones,, can you share?

For instance, I learned about what boundaries are really late in life. I accepted some really poor, unnecessarily disrespectful behavior in certain interactions and relationships and I hated that feeling. I would feel depressed and angry after those interactions but I let it go on for a long time because I didn't know I needed boundaries. I could not walk away or say that you cannot treat me like that. I didn’t have the wisdom or courage in the beginning to simply say that if this does not change, we can not talk, visit or meet each other. I didn’t know that I could stop that. Even in everyday life, I could not prioritize my own well being because I felt this programmed inside me to put others above me. I was always on the go, tired, overwhelmed and busy because of not being able to firmly say , “no” to ask.

 I think this is really important and I actually want to share my own experience too. And it’s not very different from yours. I think the important thing is,,, why did I never learn about it or why did you never learn about it?

So today, let’s dive into a topic that might resonate deeply with many women, especially those who find themselves learning about boundaries ,, later in life. 

Imagine growing up in a world where the concept of boundaries is as foreign as a distant land. For many girls, especially in traditional cultures, the idea of setting personal limits is often overshadowed by the expectations to be accommodating, selfless, and ever-available. 

Growing up, we are never taught that our time or our personal space is precious, especially as girls. Haven’t you seen, the girl is doing something but as soon as the dad or brother come home, she is asked to leave what she is doing and bring a glass of water or serve dinner. A young girl is constantly being told what to wear, how to laugh, how to dress up and she is expected to just accept these suggestions from not just her own family, but by teachers, neighbors,  relatives and strangers and can’t call them out or shut them up.

Girls are taught to normalize it when boundaries are stepped on. So many of us growing up as teens have been touched, or pinched inappropriately while in public places, catcalled and stared at. But what are we told when that happens? This happens, just don’t go alone, try to be in public places, don’t call them out or give it back (mostly because it can take an ugly turn). Pretty much just accept it and quickly move away from the situation. What did we learn? People will overstep your personal and physical boundaries sometimes and you need to just accept it. Not really a great lesson about boundaries, is it?

A newly wed woman is badgered to death about, “when is the good news coming” which translates to, “When are you planning to have a baby?” when it is none of their business and this is a very personal decision. In fact one of my friends is tired of people asking them, “when are they buying a house.”  As if it is a small decision and they have any right asking anyone that. 

When they assert themselves at home, they are asked to be mild, flexible and adjusting because those are the qualities desired in adult women. Girls are often told by parents that you have to get married and move in with the husband and inlaws and this kind of behavior where you say ‘no’ or assert your needs will not work there. As these girls grow into women, they carry the weight of these ingrained beliefs, often at the expense of their own well-being.

So, as we embark on this enlightening conversation about boundaries, , and the journey from being a yes girl to saying ‘No’ when she is prioritizing herself, settle in and take a break with your favorite drink. 🌟

There are huge impacts of not having boundaries, but it also affects your everyday dealings and I have like millions of examples for you, for instance, I don’t want to step out on my day off, but someone calls and forces me and persistently asks and even though I don’t want to,, I feel pressured and could not say, “no’. I pretty much change my entire plan for the day and end up going.  Because I am not able to say,,,,, “no, I have other plans and I won’t be able to join you today.” Komal this used to happen a lot with me but now I clearly say No when I am not in a mood for something and suggest an alternate day for the meetup.

I once had someone hold my hair in a ponytail and tell me that I look better that way over keeping my hair open. 

Geeti, I once had a gallbladder surgery and this relative came to see me, all of a sudden without asking, she pulled up my shirt as we were sitting because she wanted to see where the surgery was done on the body and if I had a scar. I was taken by surprise.

I had people believing they had a right to tell me what I should name my child and were upset and angry when I did not care. Imagine that. 

In India Geeti, inlaws believe the child is theirs and they should make all the decisions. When My cousin had her baby, you know we have some rituals and celebrations in the first year for the newborn. My cousin was not able to invite her close family & relatives because the mother in law decided that only their family will be included. I was so sad and disappointed to miss that because we are so close and I was excited for her.

Komal, in India so many times in our generation, girls had no say in their own wedding plans or outfits because the mother in law believes she is the main character in her son’s wedding.  should fulfill all her dreams of her son’s wedding completely sidelining the girl and her choices. May be that;s why this generation of brides in India are claiming every decision and spotlight, because for generations we were not given that 🙂

People will constantly give you opinions and suggestions with the expectation that you will agree and implement many times against your own choice. This will cause unhappiness and feelings of not being in control of your own life unless,, you learn to establish boundaries. 

But having boundaries can do wonders for your relationships with others and self.  Especially women are subconsciously trained to take on the burden of making others happy, reading cues about their moods and actively taking charge to bring positivity around them and in their relationships.  How many of us have heard, “but you are the women, you are supposed to diffuse the situation or you are supposed to not be mad or you are supposed to be nice & understanding. The line that gets me is, to kya hua. 

Everybody around woman just minimizes her feelings and needs. what happens is that these moments or experiences of feeling disrespected, expected to constantly go above and beyond ,,stay on your mind and play in your mind ,,,because deep inside they make you feel uncomfortable, misunderstood and unimportant. 

I think we learn a lot by watching our family and I think our generation grew up seeing our mothers & female figures around us not having many boundaries. When I was growing up, my mom was one of the most independent women I knew. Yet she was constantly burdened by tasks at home, parenting and her demanding profession and she probably was being crushed under the mountain of expectations. 

Komal I remember once my sister asked my mom, what are her hobbies…and somehow it triggered her really bad. She got so angry and then cried and me and my sister had no idea what was happening. Now as an adult I think you can understand it, maybe it touched a nerve because her busy life took away the luxury to have hobbies. She gave up her college reunions every year because they fell around our half yearly exams and probably my dad never stepped up and said, you can go because I will take care of everything. And she was not raised to demand that she would very much like to go so take care of kids and family for 3-4 days.

That is such an important realization,,, because I’ve always been financially independent,, but I’ll tell you,, that boundaries are not only  needed with your spouse or your in-laws, in fact boundaries are needed in every relationship. That's why financial independence has really nothing to do with it. Infact, I know women who are domestic goddesses and yet have firm boundaries and make sure their voices are heard and respected. But growing up, I was never taught that my time or my opinion has any value. So I thought that if I am financially independent, I will earn that value automatically Geeti, but that is not true. That’s not the case.

I had to learn the hard way, to establish boundaries in my family life,, in spite of being financially independent, so that I have say, control and respect that I want.

I also want to talk about men and boundaries. I see them having no trouble establishing their boundaries where they want to. My dad himself had zero boundaries when it came to his family. Surprisingly he had clear boundaries with his own wife & kids. Honestly, I don’t think we as a society do a good job even teaching men about when & where the boundaries are needed. 

Indian society definitely teaches young boys to always prioritize the parents & siblings over his own life and wife. He grows up watching his dad putting his wife last. So when he enters into a new relationship he is already under pressure to prove that his priorities are still them. This means that if the parents or siblings interfere in the couple’s life or pass disrespectful remarks at the wife, the husband does nothing about it because he doesn’t know that he needs to establish boundaries nor does he know how. Geeti, I have friends who have never spent their anniversary alone or traveled as a couple because the family always has to join them. In some communities, when the bride comes for the first time, the sis in law can actually open the bride’s suitcase and choose 3-4 outfits of their choice as part of the ritual. In so many families, the jewelry and gifts the bride brings are taken from her and given away to the sis in law at her wedding to save expenses without ever considering the bride’s feelings that those are her things. Komal, how can she when she herself has been donated as part of Kanyadaan ritual to the boy’s family like she is a thing to be donated. Maybe that’s why the new crop of brides doesn’t care for these rituals and focuses on what matters: The instagram reels and pictures. Lol

Komal these things will never fly in the US. US as a country strongly encourages personal space and respect for boundaries. Forget the inlaws, the parents don’t own the child. If you slap them even, the child services will get involved to ensure you treat them with respect. The families are honored when the couple visits them and gives their time. You can not just show up and demand anyone’s time. All plans and decisions are controlled by the couple, from wedding planning to number of guests to when to have a child and where to live. In fact many times, when parents visit, they stay in a hotel to not inconvenience the couple. Families commonly live in close proximity to be around each other but in independent houses. Some things may be a bit extreme in my opinion and I think we need to find the right balance where we are there supporting our loved ones but at the same time respecting and honoring their life and boundaries.

Things have improved now in India and we see many nuclear families and men actually standing up for their wives in these extreme situations. My cousin brother makes sure that he engages and takes care of his family’s expectations and that burden does not fall on his wife. He also makes sure that his family treats his wife with respect as well as respects her boundaries. Honestly, in the beginning it felt like we were being sidelined but later we realized it created harmony as well as improved all the relationships involved. 

Boundaries are for all interactions & relationships Geeti. When your child is throwing a tantrum and is being disrespectful, you need to set boundaries with them. As a parent, we need to teach them to value our time and effort.

We eat dinner as a family on the table and we don’t eat on the couch and that’s a rule in my house. I have to set those boundaries sometimes with my guests who visit even if they and their kids eat on their sofa/couch at their house and I demand that those rules be respected. 

Unlearning the lesson that relationships are most important even if they are disrespectful, step over your boundaries and make you feel taken advantage of was a big one. No relationship is more important than the one we have with self. And teaching others to respect you is an important step. 

My bane of existence was somehow believing that if someone around me is upset, it was on me to make them feel better. Took me a really long time to learn that managing someone else’s emotions and expectations was never my job to begin with. 

In fact, once I learned that, I made sure that not only I teach them to not take on this burden but also I also taught them at a young age to understand their own emotions and how to calm them down. So that we could together resolve whatever was causing them distress. These kids grow up to be adult men tomorrow and must not hold another female responsible to help them ,,,manage their emotions. Sharing our emotions, feelings and troubles is very different from expecting someone, else to constantly bear the brunt of our frustrations, and be responsible to make us feel better.

I literally had to change my personality to become a person who is just fearless about voicing my needs and demanding respect for herself.

Making sure our next generation doesn’t have to deal with the crap we did, it is very important that we teach kids at a young age about boundaries. Especially in today’s day and age where bullying is so common, on the net or at school. We must understand that in a way bullying is nothing,but extreme encroachment of our boundaries. Kids must be taught to  identify when someone is pushing their boundaries and how to stop them. Being able to say “ No, am not doing that” firmly for things they don’t want to do under peer pressure” is crucial.

 Also as parents respecting their boundaries is also crucial. If my son shares that a friend’s child makes fun of him and as adults we socialize with the family a lot, I always give him the option to stay home or take a book to read instead of forcing him to play with them. Now I would talk to our friend if needed about this but honestly I have seen kids constantly changing as well evolving in their friendships so at times its best to let them be.

Geeti, my two daughters are very different in their temperament. My older daughter is introverted and many times prefers to stay home instead of going to visit friends and acquaintances when they invite us for weddings or other occasions. My younger daughter is polar opposite and enjoys attending all these functions and social events. Many times I let my older daughter stay at home and respect her wishes.

When a child expresses that they do not want to change in front of parents, parents should respect it instead of joking about how the kid has literally grown in front of them and it is no big deal. When we respect their physical boundaries, only then will they demand the outside world to respect it too.

Geeti, I am a new student in the subject boundaries just like many others of my generation. My daughter taught about physical boundaries. My younger daughter hates it anytime someone pats her on the cheek or ruffles her hair and in India it is so common for anyone to do that with little kids. She would scream and cry and in the beginning I would not get it. I am a product of the same society after all…I would be like what is the big deal? But she said that she doesn’t like anyone getting that close or touching her without her permission and I decided to support and help her establish these boundaries. Why should anyone get close to a person without their permission?

Komal, how did you learn that you need to establish boundaries?

For me it was the Burnout and Overwhelm. I constantly accepted rude and at times toxic behavior due to being a people pleaser.  I started experiencing physical and emotional exhaustion from constantly putting others’ needs before my own. My body and mind was on a decline and eventually acted as a wake-up call. I had to finally  accept & realize that self-love and boundaries are essential for my well-being.

I am glad I still learnt it on time. Because I see plenty of women around me who are failing at  Navigating Empty Nest Syndrome, one of my  retired patients constantly misses her appointments because her son & daughter in law just show up and drop off their kids at her house. She is almost raising her grandkids in her retirement because she has no boundaries with her children. It is totally fine to help children and spend time raising grandkids. There should be boundaries so that their personal appointments, pursuits of hobbies and personal life is not completely taken over. My patient complains but does not know how to talk to her son. 

As children grow up and leave home, women might experience a sense of loss and a need to redefine her identity. Instead of  introspection to recognize the importance of setting boundaries to focus on her own interests and passions and carving out time for herself, they are still overcommitted to kids & grandkids and living for others.

Even if my sister and I made plans to say go watch a movie, but if she calls me to say something has come up and she can’t make it, it is perfectly fine. I don’t question it, get upset or doubt her intentions. If she can’t make it then there must be a reason and I respect that, no questions asked.

Same Geeti, almost at every phone call with my cousin Deepti, I either hang up or put on hold because a patient comes in at that time or my clinic needs my attention and she understands that during working hours, my work comes first.

Being married to a physician, almost every other day, I might call him when he is driving home from work and he tells me he can’t talk because he is on another call or doing dictations and I respect that because when I working on a project and many time can not even say a proper bye to him when he is going to work and I expect him to respect that.

So boundaries are just like respect, a two way street. If you want yours to be honored, make sure you respect theirs too.

Boundaries are like the invisible fences we set around ourselves—defining what’s acceptable and what’s not in our interactions with others. They serve as our personal limits, safeguarding our well-being, emotions, and values.

Personal boundaries are the hardest, where we are not actively doing work but we need those few minutes to relax, or get a mental break. And men do a far better job of establishing those than we women do.

Geeti, I still have not learnt it, my mom constantly chases me with my chai ka cup coz the moment I sit down with it, someone has to ask me to do this or that and my instinct is to get up and do it, no matter for how many hours I had been craving that chai.

It’s because the society has normalized that when a man and woman get home after a day at the office together, The husband gets to sit and relax and the wife changes and gets started in the kitchen. And women just do it as if it is the most normal thing in the world. It is their default programming.

But that’s why we are talking about this. I do not believe in this culture of constant hustle and not taking a break as a badge of honor. I like to read, watch tv of my choice and coffee breaks sometimes along, sometimes with family and my husband and kids honor those times. They may not understand it before but they do now.

Learning to be comfortable with agreeing to disagree was an important lesson I learnt. Infact in my own relationships, knowing that I am empowered to say, I am not ready to discuss this right now has been so liberating. 

We have the right to hold different opinions without feeling pressured to conform. Respectful debates are healthy; coercion is not. Being able to agree to disagree without disrespect or anger.

Geeti, when I got married, I was expected to attend all family events, even for distant relatives and sometimes at the cost of my patients. I had to close my clinic to attend events where if I had not gone, no one would actually miss me. Eventually, I started saying no unless it is about someone I had a personal connect and equation with. Respecting your time and establishing boundaries where your time is not dictated by others is another important lesson learnt but I am teaching this to my daughters already. Because our time is precious and we should be able to decide where we spend it.

Boundaries are decided and established by you and they can be set differently for different people/relationships in your life. My boundaries with my sister may be way more relaxed than they are with others. 

Actually I feel very uncomfortable and avoid situation and people who do not respect my boundaries. It could be just me saying no to a drink at a party or someone speaking disrespectfully, or not valuing my time. All of those are now a No and I do not hesitate in walking from these.

When boundaries are overstepped, consequences are important. Boundaries without consequences mean nothing. True.

I don’t hesitate in hanging up on a person who is speaking disrespectfully. Or stopping an activity that repeatedly causes friction even if it was important. Or completely letting go of a relationship where I repeatedly feel uncomfortable.

Many times we feel the need to defend or explain our boundaries but Boundaries are for you and you don’t need to explain. Just saying that this is important to me should be enough. Justification is not needed and boundaries are non negotiable. Boundaries aren’t rigid; they’re flexible. Define what’s acceptable and communicate it kindly. Whether it’s with family, friends, or colleagues, honor your limits. And when guilt knocks, remind yourself: You’re not closing doors; you’re opening the door to self-respect.

Any one who actually cares for you will respect and honor your boundaries.


Our two middle aged life lessons have been that Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s essential. And Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges to well-being. This conversation is incredibly important, It’s sad that we learnt about self-worth, boundaries, and healthy relationships much later in life. But imagine if these essential life skills were taught early on—in schools, at home, everywhere. Let’s celebrate our worth, protect our peace, and build bridges to our best selves. Let us know one of your aha moments in life about boundaries, when you to establish boundary in a relationship and what is your favorite self care activity. 

Whether it’s learning to say “no” without guilt, prioritizing self-care, or redefining relationships, setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-love and respect.

These examples highlight the multifaceted nature of the journey toward establishing boundaries. It’s a path filled with challenges and triumphs, ultimately leading to a more balanced, fulfilling, and empowered life.



People on this episode

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GEETI

Host
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Kohmal

Co-host