Crossroads & Conversations

Choosing the Right Partner: The Green Flags That Matter

• Crossroads And Conversations • Season 1 • Episode 8

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In this eye-opening episode of Crossroads & Conversations, your hosts Geeti and Komal continue their candid series on Building Healthy Relationships. After laying the foundation in part one—where we explored self-awareness, healing, and knowing what you bring to the table—we now dive into the million-dollar question: What should you really look for in a partner?

Forget the superficial checklists. We're talking about the real green flags—emotional intelligence, healthy conflict resolution, mutual respect, and the ability to grow together. We also tackle modern love, toxic family dynamics, the Instagram wedding craze, and why choosing a life partner should go way beyond just chemistry and common interests.

If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why isn’t this working?” or “Is this what love is supposed to feel like?”, this conversation is for you.

Whether you're dating, engaged, married, or somewhere in between, this episode is your guide to identifying what truly makes a relationship work—and what doesn’t.

Because life is about the conversations we have at the crossroads—the moments that shape us, connect us, and remind us of our shared humanity.

Our episodes will come out every first Wednesday of the month, we hope you will join us and our tribe.
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EPISODE 2

Geeti: In our last episode, we talked about the importance of being aware, healed, and emotionally healthy before seeking a partner. We emphasized that knowing who you are, what kind of person you need and loving yourself first is key to a successful relationship. Thanks for joining us for part two of our series on building healthy relationships, we are your hosts with the most, Geeti & Komal. 

Komal: Today, we’re diving into the next crucial step—what should we look for in a potential partner? It’s not just about finding someone who ticks all the boxes on a superficial level; we need to dig deeper and find those important traits that contribute to a strong, lasting relationship.

Geeti: Absolutely. So, in this episode, we'll discuss some key traits to look for in a partner.We all have that checklist: How do they look? Are they tall enough? What's their academic background? Do they match my financial goals?

Komal: Yep, those aspects are crucial. You definitely want someone you're physically attracted to and who can keep up with the lifestyle you envision. If you have a Master's degree, you might crave intellectually stimulating conversations. Some folks have specific looks in mind, and while initial chemistry often hinges on physical beauty, it’s the real personality that sustains a relationship. If someone isn't supportive and understanding, no amount of good looks will save it from turning sour.

Geeti: Common interests can be a game-changer! If one of you is a runner or loves meditation or painting, having a partner who shares those hobbies means you can enjoy them together. Running together, signing up for marathons, sticking to a meditation schedule—these shared activities make your bond stronger and more enjoyable. For me, being able to talk about anything under the sun was a top priority. Also, I wanted someone who loves movies and music as much as I do. Imagine being with someone who never joins in when you're singing your favorite song!

Komal: That would be a bummer! Finding someone who matches your interests and values can make all the difference. But let’s talk about the important traits to look for but are never really talked about. We’ll explore qualities like empathy, communication skills, shared values, and emotional intelligence. These are the building blocks of a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Geeti: Whether you're single and searching or already in a relationship and looking to strengthen it, this episode has something valuable for everyone. Stay tuned as we kick off this enlightening conversation on finding the right partner.

Komal: Or you might be that person wondering why, despite all my efforts, is my relationship train constantly derailing."This episode just might tell you that your partner sucks!

Geeti: In our last episode we talked about how marriage has evolved from the days of traditional arranged marriages to modern-day love marriages, But have we really made progress or just changed the packaging. Has marriage truly evolved, or are we still stuck in old expectations but with fancier outfits and an Instagrammable wedding?


Love Marriages: The Fairytale or Just Another Illusion?

Komal: Let’s fast forward to the love marriages of today! Now, people date, fall in love, and think they’re choosing better. But are we actually choosing wisely, or are we just prioritizing attraction and vibes over real compatibility?

Geeti: That’s the thing! We moved from practicality without love to love without practicality. Now, people fall in love first and then realize they’re not actually compatible and to realize later that love alone isn’t enough.

Komal: And let’s not forget—dating and marriage are not the same thing. You might have great chemistry on dinner dates, but can you handle finances, conflicts over household chores, career struggles, or family issues together? Because that’s the real test of a relationship.


The Wedding Over the Marriage: Chasing the Viral Reel

: Okay, now we have to talk about this—how weddings today have become less about marriage and more about the perfect Instagram reel.

Komal: Oh my God, YES. Have you noticed that these days, the focus isn’t on building a life together but on curating a social media-worthy wedding? People are spending lakhs and crores on outfits, decor, drone shots, and grand entrances, but not on understanding the person they’re actually marrying.

Geeti: Exactly! It’s all about that one 30-second cinematic reel, the coordinated dance performances, the extravagant lehengas—but is anyone preparing for the actual marriage?

Komal: Nope. And that’s why so many couples struggle after the wedding high wears off. You’ve spent months obsessing over the sangeet choreography, But no one’s asking: Do we actually align in our life goals? Do we know how to support each other emotionally? Do I really know what my partner expects from me as their spouse , and am I comfortable with those expectations? Honestly, we need to normalize putting the same energy into pre-marital counseling as we do into wedding shopping.


What Makes a Relationship Work?

Geeti: Komal, couples hardly go for counseling even when they are on the verge of separation, hardly anyone knows about pre-marital counseling. But it is really not a bad idea. 

Komal: Pre-marital counseling definitely will help new couples because it is specifically a type of therapy designed to help couples prepare for marriage by openly discussing important topics, aligning expectations, and developing skills to handle potential conflicts before they get married, essentially aiming to proactively address issues that could arise later in the relationship. You just have to find a therapist and make an appointment. 

In fact, just the other day I was watching an interview of Farhan Akhtar and his wife. She says that they began couple’s therapy when they got engaged and have found it very helpful. She says, it is like going to the gym, you need it consistently for a healthy marriage. There are times when they have a fight but they don’t escalate it because they know they have their session in that week and they can explore their differences at the session in a more neutral and respectful manner. She says it is a game changer.

 So the question is what really makes a relationship work? Because clearly, aligned finances, beauty and education is not cutting it like people advertise on their matrimonial profiles. 

Komal: Geeti, First thing that comes to my mind is Trust and Honesty. If you don’t trust your partner or feel safe being vulnerable, the foundation is shaky. 


Geeti: What does Trust feel like Komal?


Komal: it Feels Like Home – You Feel Safe, Seen, and Supported You don’t have to walk on eggshells, prove your worth, or constantly seek validation. You can be your true, unfiltered self without fear of judgment. Your partner makes you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and emotions.  They support your mental health, checking in on how you feel rather than just what you do. Even in silence, their presence feels reassuring.

Geeti: If you feel like you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, over-explaining your actions, or hiding parts of who you are to keep the peace, that’s not a green flag person

Komal: A simple example would be if you are meeting a friend for coffee but you feel like you have to hide that from your partner because they may not like it. A good partner would be happy because it makes you happy.

Geeti: Or you enjoy sappy romantic movies but you stop watching them because your partner always makes fun of you for enjoying them. A good partner would actually watch it with you because you enjoy them. And you enjoy watching their favorite genre of movies with them.

Komal: If you’re having a bad day and just want to sit in comfortable silence, you should feel comfortable saying that. Geeti will give an example.

Komal: Second important aspect is Communication. And I don’t mean “What do you want for dinner?” I mean real conversations—about your fears, goals, values, and even finances.

Having deep conversations with your partner about your fears and insecurities can make a huge difference in how they understand you. Opening up about your past experiences can show them how they shaped your current behaviors. This honest exchange can bring a couple closer and build a stronger emotional connection.

Geeti: In a multicultural marriage, discussing your upbringing, cultural differences, and what you want for their future family helps in understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground. Like Geeti’s.


Komal: Geeti another important trait to look for in a future partner is finding someone who encourages Your Growth – They Don’t Hold You Back; They Push You Forward.  A partner who makes you feel guilty for wanting to grow, minimizes your achievements, or feels insecure when you succeed is definitely a red flag. A healthy partner wants to see you thrive. They celebrate your wins, support your ambitions, and never make you feel guilty for prioritizing your goals. 

Geeti:💡 They encourage you to go after that job promotion instead of worrying about how it affects the relationship. They show interest in your hobbies. They don’t feel threatened by your success, they are proud of it. They push you to be better while respecting your pace and choices. They are also open about your shortcomings and weaknesses and support you in making positive changes. True partners help each other in becoming their best versions.


Komal: And a key ingredient for that kind of support comes from Mutual Respect. Respect for each other’s individuality, careers, and boundaries. You’re partners, not just extensions of each other. Someone Who Understands That "No" Means "No" because you have a life of your own, full of your dreams, purpose and a way of living.

Komal: Geeti: It means your partner respects your physical, emotional, and personal boundaries without guilt-tripping or making you feel bad for setting them.

Like if You tell them you need a night to yourself, and they say, “Of course! Enjoy your time.” instead of guilt-tripping you for not spending it with them.


Geeti: They don’t pressure you into things you’re uncomfortable with, whether that’s intimacy, social events, or family gatherings. Someone who constantly tests your limits, pressures you, or ignores your wishes, making you feel guilty for having boundaries is definitely a red flag.

Komal: If You say, “I would like to spend Diwali with my parents this year.” Instead of saying, “You belong to our family?” your partner responds, “I understand, and I think it is a great idea, we can take turns each year with both families.”


Geeti: Consistent Effort – Love Isn’t Just Grand Gestures; It’s Daily Consistency

A healthy relationship isn’t just about extravagant surprises or once-in-a-while romantic gestures. It’s about the small, consistent actions that show your partner cares and prioritizes you every day.

For example, Your partner remembers how you like your coffee and makes it for you without being asked.


Komal : Check in on me during a stressful workday just to say, “Thinking of you. You got this.”

Geeti: Or ask me after a big meeting or exam,  “How did it go?”
They don’t just text “Good morning” and “Good night” when dating, then disappear once the honeymoon phase is over.

Komal: Someone who puts in effort only at the beginning, but over time, their interest fades unless it benefits them is a big red flag. Or shows love only on special occasions as a minimal effort to keep you around but doesn’t really show love or concern on a daily basis is really toxic.

Geeti: So what does everyday care look like Komal?


Komal: Say you’ve had a long day, and you come home exhausted. Your partner notices and offers to cook dinner or order your favorite take out—not because it’s a big occasion, but because they care about your well-being every single day.


Geeti: Healthy Conflict Resolution – Fighting Is Normal, But How You Fight Matters

What It Means:
Disagreements happen in every relationship. But a green flag is when both partners focus on resolving the issue, not winning the argument.

Komal: Being able to agree to disagree respectfully is so important to learn in a relationship
When you fight fairly, you dont resort to name-calling, stonewalling, or bringing up old fights just to score points.


Geeti: If a partner needs time to cool off, they respect that instead of forcing a resolution immediately. But the partner should also give the confidence that they are not running away from the conversation and intend to get back to it after a cooling off period.


Komal: They take accountability—if they’re wrong, they genuinely apologize and try to do better.

Geeti: They accept your response or apology instead of constantly reminding you of the mistake. Especially, if it is genuine and comes with a plan and consistent efforts to fix the issue in future.

Komal: They don’t threaten to end the relationship just because you are going through a conflict right now. They don’t involve outsiders or wash their dirty linen in public to cause you hurt.

Geeti: They Don’t blame you for all the problems in their life. Instead they take accountability of their own life and issues and work on them, ask for help where needed.

Komal:But someone who shuts down, gives the silent treatment for days, yells, or makes you feel guilty for expressing your feelings, always blames you, apologizes but keeps repeating the pattern…that’s a red forest not a flag.

Geeti: So what will be a Green Flag in Action? Let’s say you’re upset that your partner forgot about an important event you had at work. Instead of saying, “You always forget important things! You don’t care about me!” you say, “I was disappointed and hurt that you didn’t ask me how the event went because it was important to me.”


Komal: A healthy partner would say, “I’m really sorry. That wasn’t my intention at all. I’ll do better next time.” Instead of getting defensive or dismissing your feelings, they acknowledge and work on improving. Honestly 90% of the times, it is not what you say but how you say it for both partners.

Geeti: You know, Komal, one of the most crucial aspects of a healthy relationship is emotional regulation. It’s so important for us all to know how to manage our emotions and not rely on others to help us calm down or use addictions as a crutch.

Komal: Absolutely,. When someone resorts to alcohol, drugs, or even excessive gaming to cope with stress or emotions, it creates a barrier in the relationship. Instead of facing issues head-on, they’re numbing themselves, which can lead to a lack of genuine connection and unresolved conflicts.  And let's not forget blaming and anger. These are also signs of emotional dysregulation. When a partner constantly blames you for everything that goes wrong or reacts with disproportionate anger, it can be incredibly damaging to the relationship. This kind of behavior prevents healthy communication and problem-solving.

Geeti: Exactly! Using addictions or letting anger take over isn’t sustainable. It deepens the problems and creates a toxic environment. A partner who can regulate their emotions and not blame others is better equipped to handle life's ups and downs. They bring stability and support to the relationship.

Komal: It’s all about being present and dealing with emotions in a healthy way. In my experience, there is a deeper issue at play when someone can not regulate their emotions and they need to first focus on themselves and their mental health. Instead of a relationship, it is better to be their friend and encourage them to see someone. Because remember, fixing others is not our responsibility. Our goal is to find a partner who is already emotionally stable,  can communicate better, so we can support each other through tough times, and build a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Geeti: Because Komal, life is complex and long and we all need our partners to be our relentless supporter—so we can celebrate each other’s wins and be there through losses all the way. A good relationship should feel like a safe space, not a battleground. 

But Komal, you know, it's crucial to not only understand yourself and the person you're interested in but also to look beyond them. 

Komal: What does that look like Geeti? 

Geeti: It’s important to know about their family, values, and culture Komal. Just knowing the person is not enough. I watched this movie today Mrs. It just got released…the girl gets married to a family where husband is a physician and the girl meets him a few times over coffee and lunches before marriage but she hardly get to know the family and their core values. She finds herself stuck in a completely toxic and patriarchal family where her role is just to be a maid, cook, cleaner and of course fulfill the sexual needs as well after a long tiring day. Eventually she leaves to go back to being a human being but her life that she spends in the family is horrific to say the least.


Komal: Oh, absolutely, Geeti. It's so important to see how they treat women in their household. Is their mom respected and valued? Does their sister have freedom of choice? Does the mother expect a daughter-in-law to treat her son like a king, or has she taught him to treat his wife like a queen?


Geeti: And what about their parents? Are they looking for a companion for their daughter, or just trying to offload her? Does she bring her intellect, wisdom and ability to cerate a home to the new family or is she expecting to just be just another member in the family.


 Knowing their friends is also key.  Friendships can tell you a lot about a person.How do they spend their time together? Are they into gossiping, smoking, and drinking, or do they love traveling and hiking? Are they community contributors or nuisances?


Komal: Notice how they treat people who are less fortunate, especially when they make mistakes. If the household help accidentally adds too much salt to the food, or a waiter spills water, or a beggar approaches them on the street—how do they react?


Geeti: And don't forget to take them on a spontaneous, unplanned trip, maybe even camping in the wild. How do they handle surprises and setbacks? Do they blame, sulk, or accuse, or do they maintain their calm and work with you to turn it into a great experience?


Komal: Pay attention to how they act when they're angry or when you say "no" to them. Do they call you names, bring up past issues, or talk you down disrespectfully, or do they communicate their hurt and anger with respect? Do they wash your dirty laundry in public, or respect your boundaries?


Geeti: Exactly, Komal. Don't ignore these signs. People show you who they are, so make sure you’re paying attention. Green flags aren’t about perfection—they’re about consistency, respect, and growth. A healthy relationship isn’t one where problems never arise—it’s one where both partners work together to navigate them with love, patience, and mutual respect.  That is the real goal—not just a dreamy wedding, but a marriage that actually lasts.


Final Thoughts

Komal: So, whether it’s an arranged marriage, love marriage, or something in between—the key is making sure your relationship lasts beyond the wedding hashtag.

Geeti: And remember, marriage is not about checking society’s boxes—it’s about finding someone who truly adds value to your already wonderful life.

Komal: At the end of the day, a relationship should enhance your life, not be your whole life. When two complete, independent people come together, they create something beautiful. But if one person is expecting the other to be their entire source of happiness, it creates pressure and imbalance.

Geeti: I love that. A healthy relationship isn’t about splitting everything 50/50—it’s a dance of give and take. Some days, you give more, and some days, you need more. But the goal is to always find balance.

Komal: So, before you say yes to the ring, ask yourself: Are we planning for a wedding, or are we planning for a lifetime?

Geeti: So if you are in a dilemma, test drive your relationship by saying “no” or paying attention during a fight, hopefully you will get your answer. If you loved today’s episode,  share it with the teenager looking for love or that friend in her 20s going through a breakup…hopefully this blueprint will help them find someone better. And also encourage them to look inwards. And liek always, keep having these important conversations because remember they helpd us get through the crossroads of life. 

People on this episode

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GEETI

Host
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Kohmal

Co-host